Growing up..

Growing up is sometimes letting go of old friends, making new memories and making new connections with people. Lately I've felt so alone didn't think I had anyone who cared. But recently I've had an overwhelming feelin of peace and I'm thinkin that I'm finally on the right path. I'll always miss the ones that I leave behind but I'm startin to think that maybe I'm leavin them behind cause they've been holdin me back. I want to have a life of my own and of the person that I am today not the one I was in the past. I think that I deserve more than what I was gettin out of that situation. I want to be happy. I want to reach for my goals and pull them in, even tho people think I'm crazy for what I want But it's somethin that i'm passionate about and somethin that my daddy loved doin. I hope to become a stock contractor and once I pay off all my dept I'm goin to make that happen. I not only want to do stock contractin but I also wanna start a school for troubled kids so that they can come to my place for the summer and work with the horses and other sorts of animals to help build character and  responsibility. I want to be loved like I've never been loved before and for the ones that know me you might find that and what I'm about to say a shocker, but I also really want to be a mother. I've always said I don't want to get married or have any kids, well I've secretly always wanted that c'mon what girl doesn't I've just been so guarded that I thought I'd never find someone that I could actually be with. This was also when I was so picky about the guys I wanted in my life and when I didn't trust anyone. Now I know that the one's I had in my life were bad news I was just so dumb that I thought that they really wanted to be with me. Now that I trust everyone unless they give me a reason not to and that I know that it is possible to find a sweet guy out there, that is what I'm wantin. I want someone that'll think i'm sexy when I'm at my worst, someone who'll make me break out of my shell and be more myself. Someone who'll make me laugh, smile and cry when he's not close to me. I'm sick of being used or treated like I'm a last call. I want to be someone's only call. I want to be someone's everything and have them be my everything. It truly is the one thing that I want most from life! The most beautiful things shared between two people who just happen to be right for each other and be able to complete one another.. I want love. I'm tired of bein alone, sure I've got lots of people around me but I still feel alone. I want to find the man that makes my world complete the man that I can't live without. If you're out there I'm ready and I'll be waitin for you to walk into my life so that we can start our beautiful life together. 
: To my family, yes I'm not as tough as I act.....